Well, We Were Expecting This (*)
The last two weeks have been the second shittiest period of my life and it seems that this will be on my menu for a while. It’s been snowballing as if to test me how much I can postpone the insatiable urge to shoot people - five or so - in the fucking mouth.
I used to tolerate all this shit for the sake of making do with the beautiful things I have in my life and with the hope that I can manage to go my way and protect my sanity. Yet, as I’ve experienced, I cannot. Not anymore.
I hate this shitty, narrow-minded country I’m in, and I hate the family I was born into. I hate it when I’m unhappy/frustrated about something, and all I hear is “Well, you know, that’s the way it is.” You know what? Fuck that. I don’t want to be at this side of the table anymore. I’ve never told anyone how to live their lives, and why the fuck am I always watching them imposing their dip shit opinions on mine?
I cannot wait to graduate and earn my own fucking life so that I can get the hell away from this retardation that’s gradually surrounding me.
I don’t want to sound like a complaining discontent asshole, but I hate it.
I just fucking hate it.
(*) But Also Hoping It Wouldn’t Come
"My poor father was baffled and afraid. He was unable to believe that there could be anything seriously wrong between us. And this was not only because he would not then have known what to do about it; it was mainly because he would then have had to face the knowledge that he had left something, somewhere, undone, something of the utmost importance."
- David, “Giovanni’s Room” by James Baldwin
“Whatever happens, happens.”
Spike
"Don’t you see it, Roy? They are arbitrarily rejecting their traditional belief system and embracing everything their elders despise. They’re not children - They’re TEENAGERS!"
- The Order of the Stick #93
A Love Poem
I give you an onion.
It is a moon wrapped in brown paper.
It promises light
like the careful undressing of love.
Here.
It will blind you with tears
like a lover.
It will make your reflection
a wobbling photo of grief.
I am trying to be truthful.
Not a cute card or a kissogram.
I give you an onion.
Its fierce kiss will stay on your lips,
possessive and faithful
as we are,
for as long as we are.
Take it.
Its platinum loops shrink to a wedding-ring,
if you like.
Lethal.
Its scent will cling to your fingers,
cling to your knife.
"We are long before we are convinced that happiness is never to be found, and each believes it possessed by others, to keep alive the hope of obtaining it for himself."
- The History of Rasselas by Samuel Johnson
John Steinbeck on Falling in Love: A 1958 Letter
“And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”
"Every time she spoke to him she seemed to abandon to him something of herself - something excessively subtle and inexpressible, to which he was infinitely sensible, which he would have missed horribly if she were to go away."
- Victory: An Island Tale by Joseph Conrad
